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It’s a scene that we’ve watched play out in film, novels and pop culture: A baby cries, and the mother instinctively reacts. “She’s hungry,” she may say, and her baby easily settles down when feeding starts.

The idea that babies use crying to communicate hunger is one of the most widespread misconceptions today about infant feeding. It’s highly prevalent among new and experienced parents, and even perpetuated by some well-meaning but uninformed medical professionals.

In fact, babies do not cry when they start to get hungry; they cry when they are very hungry and distressed. A crying baby probably showed earlier, more subtle signs of hunger before she started to cry. And once a baby starts crying, it can be much more difficult to help them settle down, let alone initiate a positive feeding experience.

What is a hunger cue in babies?

Infants have a shared, non-verbal language for communicating their needs. From sucking their hands to making certain sounds, your baby’s movements and gurgles are often more than random, cute behaviors. They are part of a sophisticated system of signals telling caregivers what they need and when.

That’s why we call them cues. We all experience hunger cues that help us detect and address hunger before it impacts our mood and concentration – the so-called “hangry” phase. As children and adults, our bodies send us signs that we are hungry every day: Stomach rumbling, mouthwatering or low energy. If we miss these cues, we may feel shaky, lose focus, develop headaches or become irritable.

It’s the same with babies. When an infant is calm, they tend to latch onto their mother’s breast or take a bottle more easily. That’s why parents who learn to identify their baby’s more subtle, early hunger cues may experience more successful feedings overall: They tend to get started when their baby is most content and ready.

For babies, crying is what experts call a “late hunger cue.” ­In other words, your baby has become stressed and hangry.

Top 5 early infant hunger cues

Lucky for us, babies share a common language. These non-verbal cues are reliable signals that your baby wants to feed soon:

• Sucking: Your baby may start sucking on hands or actively sucking on a pacifier.
• Hands to Mouth: Your baby may bring a hand or fist to his mouth.
• Alertness: A baby who is ready to feed may appear more alert or active, as opposed to sleepy or relaxed. Their eyes will be open.
• Tongue/Mouth Movements: Your baby may smack or open his lips or move his tongue. Some babies may make an mmmmm sound.
• Turning to Breast or Bottle: Often called “rooting,” this refers to a baby instinctively turning her head to find her mother’s breast or a bottle. A baby may root on any object near the mouth, such as an arm, finger, etc.

Fussing, squirming, agitated movements and ultimately crying are all late-stage hunger cues. If your baby has any difficulty with feeding, then waiting until this stage can make it very difficult to calm your baby enough to initiate feeding.

While not every baby will feed with the same frequency, it’s a good idea to look out for early hunger cues about every 2-3 hours during the newborn phase (0 to 3 months). When you first start to notice the tell-tale signs, it’s a good idea to make your bottle or begin prep for your breastfeeding routine.

Want to learn more about what a successful feeding routine should look like? Browse our tips for How to Establish a Successful Bottle Feeding Routine.

Signs your baby is not hungry

Just like hunger cues, your baby also signals when they are not ready to feed, unhappy with feeding or done with feeding. Read more about Infant Stress Cues & Signs that Feeding is Not Going Well.

As a new parent, you know that one of your most important jobs is making sure that your baby eats. Feeding is key to weight gain, sleep, brain development and more. Before you get to enjoy your baby’s first words or first hug, your earliest interactions will be shared over breast and/or bottle feeding, and you will literally devote hours to it every day.

That’s why feeding challenges can be so distressing, frustrating and even overwhelming. Feeding tends to play an outsized role in how we view our parenting abilities in the first few months. New parents, especially mothers, absorb a lot of pressure from family, society and even themselves to instinctively know how and when to feed their baby – even if they’ve never done it before.

If your baby cries during feedings, pulls away from the breast or nipple or appears unhappy, you may feel unsure how to respond. You may also worry that you are doing something wrong.

These stress cues are signs from your baby that something about the experience of feeding is not going well, not that you are incapable of feeding your baby. Fortunately, the feeding experience is something you can tweak and adapt to meet your baby’s unique needs. The first step is learning to read and understand your baby’s language.

What are infant stress cues?

Stress cues are one way your baby tells you she is not happy or that something is wrong. Just like hunger cues, stress cues are movements and expressions that your baby uses as a form of nonverbal communication. In many cases, these cues could be signals that your baby is uncomfortable (and needs a different feeding position), that your nipple flow rate is too fast or too slow, or that your baby is not ready to feed yet. (Find out how to choose the best nipple flow rate for your baby).

During feeding, babies across the globe signal that something is wrong with a consistent set of stress cues:

• Spread fingers (finger splaying): Your baby may stiffen and/or stretch his fingers wide apart. He may also appear to have stiff or tense arms.

• Arched back: Your baby may writhe or arch her back.

• Irregular breathing: Your baby may gulp or pant and make audible breathing noises. You may also notice flared nostrils or noticeable chest movement.

• Grimacing: Your baby may grimace, frown, look tense or have a wrinkled forehead.

• Gagging or leaking milk: You may notice milk leaking out of your baby’s mouth. In more extreme cases, your baby may gag, cough, vomit or cry.

• Pulling away: Your baby may pull or turn away from the breast or bottle nipple or push them out of his mouth.

5 ways to identify stress cues during feeding

The core principle of the nfant® Connected Feeding Program is the importance of connection with your baby, especially with eye contact. Follow these best practices so you won’t miss any stress cues that your baby may need you to spot:

1. Stay engaged: Observe your baby throughout the feeding. Avoid scrolling on a device, reading or watching TV.
2. Choose the right position: Choose a position that allows you to see your baby’s face and hands. Don’t sit with your baby lying or sitting facing away from you.
3. Focus on face and hands: Watch your baby’s eyes, facial expression and hands.
4. Do not swaddle arms for feedings: Keep your baby’s arms unswaddled during feedings. You may tuck your baby’s arms and hands back in to nap if they fall asleep at the end of the feeding session. This step is important because your baby uses his arms and hand movements to communicate with you. Read more about
5. Sense your baby’s comfort: Pay attention to how your baby’s body feels in your arms. Be mindful if it feels rigid or tense, as opposed to relaxed.

Generally speaking, many newborn babies will start with a Slow Flow Nipple, or even one of nfant®’s patented Extra Slow Flow nipples, but that’s not always the case.

There’s no hard and fast rule that dictates where babies start and end. When it comes to flow rate, it’s entirely up to your baby’s unique preferences and needs. Some babies may move on to a medium or fast flow nipple fairly quickly, and others may stick with a slow flow nipple for the entire experience of bottle feeding.

Of course, for you as the parent, it would be much easier if we could share a foolproof guide. We do the next-best thing with our nfant® Thrive Tracker App, which uses real-time biofeedback captured during feedings to help you determine the best nipple flow rate for your baby. It even helps you predict when it may be time to change nipple speeds.

If you are not using the nfant® Thrive Feeding System, you can still watch for some tell-tale cues and signs from your baby that it’s time to make a change. Here’s a quick guide to subtle and more urgent signs that you need a different nipple.

Signs your baby’s nipple flow is too slow

If your baby’s nipple flow rate is too slow, your baby may …

• Suck 3 times or more before swallowing: A typical cadence for baby’s who are feeding well is a steady coordination of suck-swallow-breathe. If you notice your baby sucking several times or sucking very hard before swallowing, your baby may be working too hard to get enough liquid from the bottle.
• Show signs of frustration: If your baby pulls off the nipple and cries after a few sucks, or bites and tugs at the nipple, these may be signs of frustration. You will want to make sure you don’t see milk in your baby’s mouth, which could indicate he is pulling away from too much flow.
• Feed for more than 20–30 minutes: If your feedings consistently last longer than 30 minutes, we recommend you try changing how you hold your baby during feedings. If this alteration does not help, try going up one level in nipple flow rate.
• Fall asleep on the bottle or nipple: If your baby consistently takes over 20 minutes to feed and fall asleep before finishing the bottle, you may try increasing your nipple’s flow rate.

Signs your baby’s nipple flow is too fast

If your baby’s nipple flow rate is too fast, your baby may…

• Stop feeding or pull away: Your baby may push the nipple out of his mouth with his tongue, pull away from the bottle or turn his head. He may even close his mouth and refuse to feed.
• Cough, gag or choke: If your baby is unable to swallow fast enough to prevent aspiration (liquid in the airways), your baby may cough, gag, gurgle or appear to be choking. Think about what happens if your drink “goes down the wrong way” or you accidentally swallow water when swimming.
• Let milk fall out of their mouth: Babies who are overwhelmed with too much breastmilk or formula coming out of the nipple too quickly may let the overflow liquid drip out of the front of their mouth. They are basically eliminating the “extra” milk to protect the airway.
• Show signs of distressed breathing: When babies are physically unable to swallow fast enough to clear the back of the throats, you may notice distressed breathing along with gurgling or wet sounds when swallowing.

Want to learn more about why flow rates matter? Check out the Top 3 Dangerous Myths about Nipple Flow Rate.

If you’ve purchased any baby bottle on the market today, you know that they correspond with screw-on nipples in an assortment of “speeds” that sound more like racing terms than flow rates: Slow, Medium, Fast, and so on.

As confusing as this system may seem, parents depend on flow rate indicators to decide which nipple may be best for their baby. That’s why you may be shocked to learn that not only is there little science behind this system, but there’s no industry standard for what qualifies a nipple as slow or fast flow.

Keep reading for more myths and misconceptions about the top nipples on the market today, and what you should know to be a smarter consumer.

3 myths about leading brand baby nipples

MYTH: Your baby’s nipple flow rate should get faster as they grow

FALSE. It is a common and damaging misconception among parents that babies should “graduate” or age into faster flow nipples throughout their first year. Not all babies will use, want or need a fast flow nipple before using a sippy cup, and there’s absolutely no connection between a baby’s ability to drink or feed effectively with how fast they do it. Your baby could use a slow flow nipple throughout bottle feeding, and it would be perfectly fine, safe and developmentally appropriate for how they feed. (Find out How to Choose the Right Nipple Flow Rate for your baby.)

MYTH: All slow flow nipples by any brand are the same speed

FALSE. Scientific studies have proven that the commercial market is completely unregulated. Any company can describe their nipple however they want to, and what is branded “slow flow” by one brand could be faster or slower than a competitor’s version. (In fact, researchers have even found flow rate disparities among nipples made by the same manufacturer!) That is why it is important to avoid using different brands of nipples, which could confuse your baby and impact their ability to feed well. Want to hear something true? Our patented nfant® Control Flow Nipples are the only nipples available to consumers today with flow rates based on clinical testing in hospital settings.

MYTH: Nipples cannot mimic breastfeeding

FALSE. Slower flowing nipples mimic the natural flow of breastmilk better than fast flowing ones. That is why experts recommend that breastfeeding mothers who want to supplement use a slow flow nipple. Here’s another helpful truth: Our patented line of nfant® Control Flow Nipples features the slowest Extra Slow Flow Nipple on the market, and our Slow Flow Nipple is ranked as the slowest in its category.